The Straight Introvert Boy That Lives Inside Me

Photo by Jackson Simmer on Unsplash

When you are raised within an idea it can be pretty challenging to shift from it.

I was raised an evangelical boy tought to hate the fact that I was gay and to deny it as much as I could. The narratives I was raised in and the stories I consumed my entire life shaped the world view I carried for too long.

I’m someone who’s learning each and everyday to love, appreciate, defend and care for the diverse and multiple nature of the LGBTQ+ community. Sometimes, forms of expression that are too out there for me can be hard to wrap my mind around, and that’s on me, not on the expression itself. Cause all expressions of the self are valid expressions and need to find the proper balance to be respected and encouraged.

That said, a lot of my personal experiences, specially my formative ones, align with a straight cisgender binary view of the world, of society, of love, of the self. This is why most times I feel more comfortable around my straight introvert friends (usually one per time) than my more out there extrovert gay friends (usually in groups). That’s on me for being raised as and for having formative life experiences as an introvert straight boy, who still has a lot to learn about the diversity and plurality of the expressions in the community.

I’ve been learning and been challenging my preconceptions and prejudices. But maybe the thing that’s the more difficult to me is so natural to the human experience that both my straight and gay friends go through the same.

Belonging and being confident of the relationships you share with people can be pretty challenging. Vulnerability is a risky choice for those of us with much to hide. What should we do with so much anguish?

Maybe lighting up a cigarrete is the answer. Maybe not.

Maybe drinking your way to sleep. Maybe not.

Maybe talking to a friend. Maybe talking to yourself.

We are in sync. Things are good. My mind just needs to learn to feel and appreciate when things are good as my body seems to do.

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